


35. Poem

by parka_girl



Category: Infinite (Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Alternate Universe - Khiphop, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-15
Updated: 2017-09-15
Packaged: 2018-12-29 23:46:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12096057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/parka_girl/pseuds/parka_girl
Summary: Perhaps when they're older things will be different. But they aren't older now. They are just close enough to thirty that youth is behind them but the future is ahead. There is nothing to keep them apart but each other and so they don't get in the way.





	35. Poem

At first he is equal parts embarrassed and touched, though he imagines the rest of the audience doesn't know this song is for him. Myungsu knows because he hears snippets of their conversations and arguments scattered throughout the lyrics. By the time the song ends, he can feel Namjoon's eyes on him, in the upper level VIP area. He will find his boyfriend later, but for now he is barely holding himself together. He thinks, perhaps, if someone were to read between the lines, Namjoon has just outed himself. But when he looks around the crowd, they did not notice the gender-neutral pronouns, the way the song was directed up here and not at them. Myungsu is not sure if he's relieved or disappointed, maybe it's both. He can see it on his boyfriend's face as he leaves the stage. 

Myungsu weaves through the VIP crowd, escaping into the empty hallway. He can hear strains of music bleeding from under closed doors as he makes his way down one level, then another. He is almost to the room where he left Namjoon before the show. But there, standing in the hallway, waiting for him, is his boyfriend. His eyes light up and Myungsu has to force himself to walk, not run. He barely manages to check himself. 

But they are alone, there is no one there to see and so he takes the remaining steps two at a time and he lets Namjoon pull at him. They embrace and then they are kissing. Myungsu doesn't have to say a word because Namjoon understands all of it. It's in the way they kiss, the curl of Myungsu's fingers on his hips, the emotions written across his face. When they pull apart, both breathing hard, Myungsu's hand finds Namjoon's. 

"Do you want to stay?" Namjoon asks. 

Myungsu's hand curls tighter around Namjoon's. No, he thinks. I want to take you home, I want to lose myself in you. "Can you leave?" He counters. 

Namjoon shrugs, but Myungsu knows the answer. Their relationship is an open secret. Most of the crews Namjoon performs with, including his own, know that they are dating. Myungsu is a salaryman masquerading as a photographer. He is tolerated because their relationship is not obvious, because they like his photos, because Namjoon is popular. 

"Let's stay." He says, because he knows Namjoon won't ask. His boyfriend is effortlessly nice. Before they started dating, it bugged Myungsu. But he hadn't understood that it wasn't a front, that it was real. He is intimately familiar with both sides of Namjoon -- the rapper and the man who he shares a bed with. He knows his fans don't really understand the difference and there was a time when Myungsu didn't, either. 

Namjoon nods and Myungsu knows he'd rather leave, that Myungsu could've given him an excuse. But he also knows that he needs to stay, that appearances mean a lot and his crew needs him, too. Which is why they walk into the back room together, but not holding hands. There a few girls there, some of them rappers, a few girlfriends. Myungsu is more comfortable with them, not that they don't judge him, but they seem more tolerant of him. 

Myungsu sits on the couch next to Namjoon, scrolling through his phone while Namjoon talks with one of his hyungs on the crew. Their legs are pressed together, it's enough. It's never truly enough, but they both know better. At least they can sit like this, at least they are touching. Maybe one day things will be different, but that's not the world they live in. 

After the show ends, when they've fulfilled the obligations of drinks and dinner with Namjoon's crew, they go home. They are too tired to do anything more than lean against each other on the train. They ride in silence, Namjoon's head against Myungsu's shoulder. Myungsu looks out the window, into the darkness, and thinks about his boyfriend. 

He loves Namjoon more than anyone else he's dated. He knows the fine line that Namjoon used to walk, his failed auditions for kpop groups, the idol rapper label he almost had. He has talked his boyfriend down from the edge of quitting so many times. Equal to the amount that Namjoon has done the same for him. At least, in Namjoon's case, he still loves his job. Myungsu doesn't know if he ever did. 

None of it really matters, though. At the end of the day, any day, every day, Namjoon is the one who shares his bed. Myungsu shifts, resting his hand on Namjoon's leg, comforted by Namjoon's hand on his own. He doesn't worry that Namjoon will leave him, that he'll pick his career over Myungsu. They have had this discussion many times and the answer is always the same. Myungsu knows how much Namjoon loves rapping and he would do whatever it took to make sure his boyfriend continued to do what he loved. 

Perhaps when they're older things will be different. But they aren't older now. They are just close enough to thirty that youth is behind them but the future is ahead. There is nothing to keep them apart but each other and so they don't get in the way.


End file.
